As we seem not to have had a Quiz Nite recently (and no-one else seems to able to arrange them), I wondered if anyone would be interested next Wednesday (7th October).

I had a rummage in the larder and found an open jar of pickled onions (price 2/6), some cheese straws, a bottle of something which might be tabasco sauce (if not, then it's fortified British wine), and a box marked "For Officers only" which I am prepared to open if enough people turn up, so we'll have a small picnic.

Bring your own drinks, obviously.

Starting time would be the traditional 2100, UK time. Daylight Saving will be in force, and all breakages must be paid for. Other Ranks allowed by invitation only. Dogs and mistresses to be left outside.

I'll move the piano, sir!

Brilliant. Will gen-up on all this recent Gaddafi stuff, so I've a chance of a point.

Phil.

Please save me a place by the fire, the nights are drawing in now and I am feeling the cold.

I shall have my man servant on hand to hand me my nicely chilled wine, but I will forgo the peanuts this time I think.

PS: Whose turn is it to bring the fig rolls?

Having just discovered a bottle of Highland Park, which my son hid away, I think it should be opened and a quiz seems just the right sort of occasion ,eh, what!
Aye
Malcolm

That is a closely guarded secret, known only to the dastardly crew whose self appointed task it is to infiltrate the mess and replace the jar of arrowroot biscuits with their ghastly sweetmeats. Our only clue at present is that the contraband will be conveyed in a wheeled luggage apparatus. I have installed a newton detector in the piano. Willikins is on standby in the Number 2 Blanco store, ready to apprehend the malefactors on the signal.

Good News!

The maid has called to say she's found a packet of Hob Nobs down the back of the sofa and some walnuts in the elder daughter's bedroom. She's brushed most of the dust off them and arranged the Hob Nob pieces tastefully on a plate, so we're up for a feast.

I should also, I feel, point out that there will be 40 questions, of which at least 10% will be on the Great War, 5% will be on WW2, 15% will be on popular music, 5% will be on unpopular music, 25% will be general knowledge, 30% will be history and science, 15% will be geography and the remaining 5% will be revision for my Maths Honours Degree at the University of Central Neasden.

Whilst always appreciating an iconoclastic attitude to per centages (those damned Romans again!), might I express wonderment that there may be space behind the cushions on your sofa, sufficient for the concealment of a packet of Hobnobs? I trust that they have not been crushed, and whilst I also appreciate the effort on tastefully arranging them on a plate, by next week they may a little on the soft side. Might it be an idea to place them, on their plate, in the fridge in the hope of keeping them fresh?

As a service to one's Pals, might I suggest a banning of fig rolls. It is reported that the consumption of too many of them may result in the little-known and even less reported Newton's Disease, the symptoms of which include the sufferer standing on one leg whilst muttering "Ahhhhh.....Jim lad!"

Bruce

Only slightly.

Bruce, you wash your mouth out!!!!

The cheese straws are mine. And the best seat by the chocolate fountain!

Chocolate fig rolls! What an inspiration!

You're welcome to sit next to it, but I must stress that the chocolate fountain is where I do my best thinking, quiz nite-wise. I'll make sure I put my speedos on.

I dont want those pickled onions if they are marked with 2/6. We gave away that sort of currency in 1966 so I suspect they may be a bit old. I may just be
able to get out bed before 7 am to partake.
David

Matron here,
did someone mention figs? I have some syrup of figs in the medicine cupboard so do please come along and see me if your in need of a dose before the quiz night, we must keep things moving along you know!

Marina can I have the other chair near the chocolate fountain please and can someone fluff up the pillows before I get in?

Hob Nobs can be left on the other side of the room, I don't like them thank you.

Sven! I will be drinking my usual so please make sure there is enough gin to go with my tonic please I don't want anymore of your half measures!!!!!

See you all Wednesday xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Matron xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm with Kim here when it comes to fig rolls - I'll make sure there's a little supply for dunking in the chocolate!

I'll put the oven on to make some fairy cakes. As it's autumn I'll make the icing red and orange. Would anyone like angelica on their fairy cakes?

Now just who is Angelica?

We seem to be increasing the size of the Mess work-force almost exponentially. Do the profits over the bar cover the increased labour costs?
Is Angelica going to be able to work amicably with both Sven and Samantha?
Has she been warned about the woodshed?
Is she a lady of child-bearing age? Is there a problem if she gets pregnant (and we can hardly blame Sven!) and we have to bear the costs of maternity leave?

I fear that we need a meeting of the Mess Personnel Committee.

Bruce

Dolt.

Angelica is Mr Gunner's new Mess mascot. Some form of shed-dwelling creature. Possibly a ferret.

I have often wondered what becomes of those show ferrets, after their days of being stuffed down Yorkshiremen's trousers come to an end.
How kind of Mr. Gunner to adopt one of them, and give it a home in its declining years!

The British have a tradition of looking after animals, and we also have a tradition in Skindles quizzes.
I trust that the tradition in relation to Question 12 (or the Ken Lees Question) will be maintained in the new quizzing season.

Bruce

Matron here,
so I see we can now bring our pets to the quizzes? well what is the world coming too! next you will be adding a creche!
I will not be voting for that one, not at all,
we definitely need a mess meeting, perhaps we could have it at 8:30pm just before the quiz commences?
Matron x

Such a meeting is certainly needed. There are a number of items for the agenda, the first being the dreadful and wanton use of the C word before December 15th.
We may also need to discuss:-
Pets at the quiz
a creche (I may be able to rope in my younger daughter here, since she is a staff nurse at Alder Hey)
Special dispensation for the dysexic
Large print version for the sight-impaired
Translations into Punjabi, Pushtu, Gujerati and Flemish
the regular moans from Sven and Samantha about a wage rise (although if a shilling a day is good enough for our boys at the front.....)

I am sure more items will be added.....

Bruce

Its alright Kim I've got Bruce in my sights for a broadside of soft soggy Fig Rolls, after the dunking. I can do that well but not fast enough for the quiz.

Cheers Roger.

I was going to hurry home from a Town Council meeting on Wednesday, to which I will wear a suit.
However, if I am to face a barrage of inedible comestibles which will inevitably result in a dry cleaning bill, then I'm not sure I'll hurry.



Bruce

Hi Bruce,

Whats a Town Council, as we are still lumbered with a concocted lumbering Metropolitan Council(Kirklees), the infomation you give might be able to answer one of Mr Broomfields questions.

Cheers Roger.

A Town Council is a Parish Council, with a tie on!

Parish Councils were established in 1894, and exist in many parts of the country (but not in Wales, where there are Community Councils, and I am not sure about Scotland). Until 1974, Maghull had a Parish Council, but, with local government re-organisation, Maghull PC petitioned for a change in status to Town Council, in recognition of its size, and to allow full Council meetings to be chaired by a mayor, rather than a Chairman of Council. I would point out that Maghull Town Council owns and maintains 86 acres of parks and gardens (exactly the same are as covered by Dover Castle and grounds), and now has an annual turn-over of just under £1 million. It is the fourth largest Town Council in the country, and employs directly about a dozen people. It is now in the process of building, in conjunction with Sefton Metropolitan Borough Council, a new sports complex next to our Town Hall, at a cost of £8.3 million....and not before time!

If you'd like any more info. about this, or other Town Councils, and even what it is like to be a Mayor.......please just ask!

Bruce

Here in the Land o' Cakes, we have porridge. We have no need of councils.

we don't have salt on ours............
Bruce

Orson has just exclaimed - "Good Heavens - Bruce is a mayor!"

She's easily impressed....

Has she met him yet????

How many Sue Perkins questions will there be on the quiz?

None.

However, there are 40 questions prepared: for a change there are no Rounds. Each question connects to the question number (so, for example, question 22 might be "In which religion are there 22 paths between the sephiroth?").

Additionally, I am delighted to report that Phoebe found some unused Jammy Dodgers which were in with the dog food. The packet is more-or-less untouched, so I'll add those to the pickled onions.

I'm looking forward to this.

And answer to the question is Kabbalah, apparently, but don't worry - the actuall question 22 is GW-related.

Now I looking forwards even more to question 12!

Bruce

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Mayor, no wonder the tie, so how do we address a Mayor, is it your Worship, your goodness, or simply yohoo. I had the same problem addressing the Magistrates.

My home Town was a Borough Council till 1974, then the mess which is now Kirklees, or greater Huddersfield, I never where sure about PC and TC hence the question.

See you on Wednesday night.

Cheers Roger.

Mayors only serve for one year.
My term was 1994-95, so as to be Town Mayor for the Centenary (as the only historian on Council, I held out for that!)
It was a really lovely year, including even allowing HRH The Queen to meet me!

Bruce

Good on yer Bruce.
Maghull, know I knew a person from there that was in the control room at the RAC in Liverpool and where also a Shop Steward in my Union days, that was back in the 80's I dare say the place will have changed a lot since then.

Cheers Roger.

If it's chilly inside when the quiz is being given, can I start a fire in the fireplace with a copy of the People's Friend?

I moved here in 1980....and it has changed quite a bit since then.
Some would say the decline started when they let all sorts of people onto Council in 1983.....

Bruce

Were you at Hastings or were you one of the camp followers?

As a row of tents, I believe. Especially in full Mayor's regalia.

I am going to be very kind and pretend I missed that one. You owe me!

Well, what's the answer?

The answer is possibly. Do you have a means of igniting the paper? Perhaps you should review the question and consider replacing 'can' with 'may'.

Tom, I'm not so kind!!

Eyup Kim,

We have Bruce on the defensive, you should win the quiz, don't think I'll be back from t'other side in time(Blackpool).

Up the Fig Rollers.

Cheers Roger

If consumption of fig rolls is now compulsory during the quizzes, is it the Question Master's responsibility to also supply puke buckets?

Bruce

Hi there Bruce,

Just our way of gaining an advantage, especially me as I'm notoriously hopeless at quizzes, I'm sure my entrance fees pay for the prize's.

I take it you dont like them then, its the same with me and Yogurts yuk.

Cheers Roger, pass me the bucket when you have done.

Well, I've slipped into my satin smoking jacket; I've arranged all the nibbles on the second-best plates; I am stroking the cat; and my Countdown-style clock is ticking away.

Bring on the Wall

Oh S**t, I forgot - so sorry

Not to worry Kim I held the end up, got one at last, couldn't get the others for eating the fig rolls

Many thanks, Steven.....an enjoyable quiz with a good mix of questions (pity I didn't know many of the answers though!*S*)

Bruce